Paarberatung Selbstwert

Relationship: 15 Ways to Make Him Want You More

Discover 15 expert ways to make him want you more in your relationship or dating life. Boost confidence, practice self-care, and build genuine connection with practical tips from a couples therapist t

Patric Pfoertner

Patric Pfoertner

M.Sc. Psychologe

11 Min. Lesezeit
Aktualisiert: 3. September 2025

Die folgenden Geschichten basieren auf realen Erfahrungen aus meiner Praxis, wurden jedoch anonymisiert und veraendert. Sie dienen als Inspiration fuer Veraenderung und ersetzen keine professionelle Beratung.

  • Boost Confidence to Attract Him: Discover how embracing your true self and quirks builds magnetic appeal, backed by research on why confidence is key to making a man want you more in dating or relationships.

  • Unlock 15 Proven Strategies: From turning him on with subtle tips to keeping his interest alive, these expert ways help you catch his attention and foster deeper desire without games.

  • Tailored Tips for Any Stage: Whether you’re single and want him to notice you or in a relationship needing to reignite passion, learn practical methods to make him crave your presence and personality.

Imagine it’s a quiet evening in your cozy living room, the kind where the soft glow of a lamp casts warm shadows on the walls, and you’re sitting across from him on the couch, a half-empty mug of tea cooling between you. Your heart races a little as you share a story from your day, but there’s this subtle distance in his eyes—like he’s there, but not fully present. You’ve felt it before, that nagging pull in your chest, wondering, “How do I make him want me again?” It’s a moment many of us have lived through, where the spark that once lit up every conversation feels dimmed by routine or unspoken worries. As a couples therapist who’s walked alongside hundreds of partners in similar scenes, I know this ache intimately. It’s not about tricks or games; it’s about rediscovering the authentic pull that draws us closer.

In my own life, I remember a time early in my marriage when I was buried under work deadlines, coming home exhausted and distant. My wife noticed, of course—she always does—and one night, instead of confronting me, she simply sat beside me, her hand gently on my knee, and asked, “What’s weighing on you today?” That small gesture, born from her confidence in our bond, pulled me back in. It wasn’t dramatic; it was real. And it taught me how vulnerability and presence can reignite desire. Today, let’s explore this together, not as a checklist, but as pathways to deeper connection. We’ll weave in the wisdom from real couples I’ve worked with, grounding it in the emotional layers that make relationships thrive.

Understanding the Heart of Attraction

Attraction isn’t just physical; it’s a dance of emotions, where confidence acts like a steady rhythm that invites him to step closer. You know that feeling in your stomach, a mix of butterflies and nerves, when you’re around someone who captivates you? That’s the energy we want to cultivate—not forcefully, but naturally. Research from psychologists like those at the University of Texas shows that self-assured individuals are perceived as more desirable because they signal emotional security, a foundation for lasting bonds. But how do you notice when your own confidence is flickering? Perhaps in the way your voice softens around him, or how you second-guess your words. These are signs to pause and reconnect with yourself.

Let’s think systemically: How does your daily rhythm affect the way he sees you? When you’re grounded in your own worth, it mirrors back to him, making space for mutual desire. This isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about owning your quirks—the laugh that bubbles up unexpectedly, the passion for that obscure hobby. In therapy sessions, I’ve seen women transform their relationships simply by embracing these parts, turning what felt like vulnerabilities into magnetic strengths.

Building Confidence from Within

One of the first steps in making him want you more is to nurture that inner confidence. Picture Anna, a client in her mid-30s, who came to me feeling invisible in her long-term partnership with Mark. She described tense dinners where she’d shrink into silence, her hands trembling slightly as she picked at her food, afraid her opinions would push him away. “I just want him to see me,” she said, her voice cracking. Through our sessions, we explored her attachment patterns—those early-learned defenses where she’d dim her light to avoid conflict. I guided her to small practices: journaling her strengths each morning, like the way she lit up talking about her gardening, and sharing one unfiltered thought per conversation with Mark.

Over weeks, Anna’s posture shifted; she stood taller, her eyes meeting his with a steady gaze. Mark noticed, telling her, “You seem… freer lately.” Their intimacy reignited not through grand gestures, but her authentic presence. Confidence, you see, is like a quiet fire—it warms without overwhelming. How do you notice confidence building in yourself? Maybe in the ease of your breath during a shared laugh, or the way compliments flow more naturally.

This image captures that essence: a woman standing tall amid blooming flowers, her partner reaching out—soft hues of red and gold evoking the warmth of rediscovered desire.

Embracing Openness and Positivity

Being open to new experiences keeps the relationship alive, like fresh air fanning those embers. Consider trying something outside your comfort zone together—a hike in the rain, even if you’re not outdoorsy, or cooking a recipe from his culture. It’s not about pretending; it’s about showing you’re willing to grow alongside him. Positivity plays here too: Instead of dwelling on frustrations, frame challenges as adventures. “What if this work snag is a chance to learn something new?” I often ask clients. This mindset shift, rooted in cognitive behavioral techniques, reduces defensiveness and invites connection.

In my practice, I’ve seen how pessimism can create invisible walls. Take Lisa and Tom: She was always venting about her job, her tone heavy with sighs that filled their evenings like fog. Tom withdrew, craving lightness. We worked on reframing—Lisa started sharing excitements first, like her joy in a new book. Soon, their talks flowed with laughter, and Tom leaned in more, drawn to her upbeat energy. You might ask yourself: How does negativity show up in your interactions? Noticing it is the first step to inviting more desire.

The Power of Self-Care in Attraction

Now, let’s address a common question: How can I make him want me through self-care? Self-care isn’t vanity; it’s the soil from which attraction grows. When you prioritize your well-being—nourishing meals that energize you, movements that make your body feel alive, or quiet moments of reflection—you radiate vitality. Studies from the American Psychological Association highlight how regular exercise boosts endorphins, enhancing mood and body image, which in turn heightens sexual attraction. But it’s deeper: Self-care honors your attachment needs, reducing the clinginess that stems from insecurity.


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Engaging in restorative activities, like a soothing bath with scented oils or an early night under soft blankets, replenishes you. I recall my own ritual after long therapy days—a walk in the park, feeling the earth under my feet, which helped me show up fully for my family. For clients like Sarah, who neglected herself in her pursuit of David’s attention, introducing self-care was transformative. She started yoga, her skin glowing, energy renewed. David commented, “You’re shining lately.” It made him want her more because she was whole on her own.

Balancing Independence and Connection

Avoiding clinginess means giving space, like allowing a bird to fly before returning to the nest. When you pursue your own interests—whether painting, reading, or volunteering—it creates mystery and value in your time together. Men often thrive on the thrill of chase, but more importantly, independence signals emotional maturity. How do you notice when you’re leaning too heavily on him? Perhaps in the pressure building in your chest when he’s out with friends.

Choosing yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s magnetic. Prioritize goals—a career milestone, a personal project—and watch how it draws him in. In sessions with Elena and Carlos, she was always available, her life orbiting his. We shifted that: She joined a book club, sharing stories that sparked their evenings. Carlos pursued her anew, respecting her full life. This balance fosters desire without demand.

Listening and Validating His World

Acknowledging his viewpoint builds bridges. When he shares passions—be it sports or a work dream—listen actively, reflect back: “It sounds like that project really fires you up.” This validation, drawn from emotionally focused therapy, makes him feel seen, deepening emotional intimacy that fuels physical desire. Another frequent query: How important are genuine compliments and acknowledging his feelings in making him want you? Immensely. Guys often feel underappreciated, so a heartfelt compliment—like praising his thoughtful gesture or strong character—lands deeply.

But avoid over-the-top flattery; authenticity shines. I once advised Maria, whose compliments to Javier felt forced, to draw from specifics: “I love how you handled that tough call at work—your calm strength inspires me.” His response? A lingering hug, eyes softening. Genuine compliments boost his self-esteem, making him associate you with positivity. Systemic question: How does he light up when you truly hear him?

Infusing Joy and Independence

Enjoying your life independently keeps you intriguing. Don’t pause your passions for him; let him join the dance. Hobbies make you vibrant, like colors on a canvas he wants to explore. For flirtation, subtle physical touch—a brush of fingers during talk—ignites tension. Body language matters: A warm smile, held gaze, then playful look away signals confidence and interest.

Even science backs playful elements: Wearing red can subconsciously heighten attraction, per studies in evolutionary psychology, evoking passion. But core is values—upholding them, like commitment, attracts the right partner. How do your values show in daily choices? Staying true builds respect and desire.

Sparking Intimacy with Communication

Enhance verbal intimacy with light dirty talk if it fits your dynamic—whispers that build anticipation, creating sexual tension. It’s about playful vulnerability, not performance. In therapy, couples like Nina and Alex practiced this gradually, starting with compliments on touch, leading to deeper connection.

Addressing 15 ways of how to make him want you, we’ve covered key ones: confidence, openness, positivity, self-care, independence, validation, compliments, joy, touch, body language, values, and intimate talk. Grouped, they form a holistic approach—far from a rigid list, but fluid practices.

A Client’s Journey: Practical Steps Forward

Let me share Rebecca’s story, a vibrant 28-year-old single woman eager to attract meaningful connection. She met Jordan at a coffee shop, but felt he pulled back. In our sessions, we unpacked her fears of rejection, tied to past attachments. Step by step: First, she built confidence through daily affirmations, noticing her quirk of witty banter as a strength. Second, self-care via restorative activities—weekly spa evenings—boosted her glow. She upheld values, declining casual dates for depth.

Third, she acknowledged Jordan’s views on art, giving genuine compliments: “Your passion for painting moves me—it’s raw and real.” Not over-the-top, but a heartfelt compliment that stuck. Fourth, independence: She pursued her writing, sharing snippets that intrigued him. Fifth, positivity in chats, openness to his film suggestions. Sixth, subtle touch and flirty eyes during meets. Seventh, living joyfully, wearing that red scarf on purpose.

Months later, Jordan confessed, “You make me want to be better, to be with you.” Their bond deepened through these authentic shifts. For you: Start small. This week, pick one area—say, self-care. Notice how it feels in your body, then share with him. Journal: How does this change your interactions? In couples work, we track these ripples, adjusting with empathy.

Remember, desire thrives in mutual respect. Through self-care, upholding values, genuine compliments and acknowledging his world, you create space for him to choose you fully. It’s not manipulation; it’s invitation. If tension lingers, consider therapy—I’ve seen it transform lives. You’re worthy of that deep want; let’s nurture it together.


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Mehr Impulse finden Sie auf meinem YouTube-Kanal oder folgen Sie mir auf Instagram @psypatric.

Mit herzlichen Gruessen,

Ihr Patric Pfoertner

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Patric Pfoertner

M.Sc. Psychologe mit Schwerpunkt auf positive Psychologie. Bietet psychologische Online-Beratung fur Menschen, die mehr Wohlbefinden in ihrem Leben suchen.

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