Relationship Quiz: Love or Lust? Find True Feelings

Die folgenden Geschichten basieren auf realen Erfahrungen aus meiner Praxis, wurden jedoch anonymisiert und veraendert. Sie dienen als Inspiration fuer Veraenderung und ersetzen keine professionelle Beratung.

• Understand Love vs Lust Differences: Discover how love builds deep emotional bonds through trust and commitment, while lust focuses on intense physical attraction and passion, helping you differentiate fleeting desires from lasting connections in relationships.

• Take the Am I In Love or Lust Quiz: Explore your feelings with targeted questions like reactions to hugs or intimacy, providing quick insights to clarify if your emotions stem from genuine affection or pure desire.

• Gain Relationship Clarity and Value: Reflect on your partnership to foster stronger, enduring bonds by identifying true love’s foundations, empowering better decisions for emotional intimacy and long-term fulfillment.

Picture this: It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon, and you’re curled up on the couch with your partner, the kind of day where the world outside fades into a soft blur. Your hand brushes theirs as you reach for the remote, and suddenly, a wave of warmth spreads through you—not just the spark of desire, but something deeper, like roots intertwining beneath the soil. Yet, in that quiet moment, doubt creeps in. Is this the fire of passion or the steady glow of love? Many of us have been there, hearts racing, wondering if what we feel will flicker out or burn eternally.

As Patric Pförtner, I’ve spent over two decades as a couples therapist guiding people through these very crossroads. Let me share a personal story that still tugs at me. Early in my career, I was working with a young couple, much like you might be right now, and I remember the evening I met them. Anna’s hands trembled slightly as she described the butterflies in her stomach every time Mark walked into the room—intense, exhilarating, but leaving her questioning if it was enough to last. It reminded me of my own early days with my wife, those first months where every glance felt electric, yet I paused during a long walk by the river to ask myself, “How do I notice this connection in the quiet times, not just the passionate ones?” That question changed everything for us, turning raw attraction into a partnership that has weathered storms.

Love and lust—they’re like two rivers flowing from the same mountain, but one carves deep canyons of trust and commitment, while the other rushes wildly, splashing excitement before merging into calmer waters. Love isn’t just the honeymoon phase; it’s the emotional anchor that holds when life gets turbulent. Lust, on the other hand, is that initial rush, driven by physical chemistry, hormones firing like fireworks on New Year’s Eve. But here’s the thing: they often dance together in relationships, and distinguishing them can feel like untangling a knot in the dark.

You might be reading this because you’re in the midst of that tangle, perhaps after a night of intense closeness that left you exhilarated but unsure. How do you notice the difference in your daily interactions? Does your partner’s presence bring a sense of safety, like a warm blanket on a cold night, or is it more about the thrill, the quickened pulse that fades when the excitement wanes? These aren’t just abstract ideas; they’re the building blocks of what makes a relationship resilient.

Dissecting the Layers: What Makes Love Endure?

In my practice, I’ve seen how love forms a foundation that withstands challenges, much like the sturdy oak that bends but doesn’t break in the wind. It’s rooted in affection, mutual understanding, and a willingness to show up emotionally, even when it’s messy. Lust, while beautiful and natural, often stays on the surface—intense physical desire that can ignite quickly but may not delve into the vulnerabilities that forge true intimacy.

Think about attachment patterns, those invisible threads from our past that shape how we connect. If you’ve ever felt a pull toward someone that echoes old wounds or unmet needs, it might be lust masking deeper longings. Or perhaps it’s love, inviting you to heal together. I recall a session where a client, let’s call her Lena, described her relationship with Tom as a whirlwind. “It’s like I’m addicted to the way he makes me feel alive,” she said, her voice catching. But as we explored, we uncovered how her fear of emotional exposure was keeping things at lust’s doorstep. Through gentle systemic questions—like “What happens in your body when you share a fear with him?”—she began to see the path to deeper bonds.

We’re all navigating this complexity. You, right now, might be feeling that pressure in your chest, wondering if your connection is built to last. It’s okay to have contradictory feelings; human emotions aren’t black and white. Lust can evolve into love if nurtured with intention, but ignoring the emotional layer risks a relationship that feels hollow over time.

This image captures that essence—the quiet vulnerability that turns attraction into something profound.

Exploring Your Feelings: The Quiz to Illuminate the Path

To help you gain clarity, I’ve adapted a reflective quiz based on the questions many clients bring to therapy. It’s not about right or wrong answers but about pausing to observe your inner world. Take a moment; grab a notebook or just reflect as you read. These questions excerpt from real therapeutic explorations can spark insights into whether your emotions lean toward love’s depth or lust’s intensity.

1. How do you feel when your partner hugs you? A. Proud B. Aroused C. Happy and aroused D. Embarrassed

Notice the warmth in your chest—does it feel protective, or more electric?

1. How long have you known each other? A. A few years B. A few weeks C. A few months D. A few days

Time often reveals if the spark has roots or is still a seedling.

1. What do you do when you go to the movies? A. We discuss the movie before and after B. Make out C. We make out and also discuss D. Watch the movie

Is it shared stories or shared sensations that draw you closer?

1. How do you feel when you look at your partner? A. Lucky B. Turned on C. Lucky and aroused D. Normal

That gaze—what emotions rise like a gentle tide?

1. How did it go when you introduced your partner to your family? A. They impressed my family and I felt proud B. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other C. Both D. I haven’t introduced them

Integration into your world signals deeper ties.

1. What do you love most about your partner? A. Their personality B. Their body C. Everything D. Nothing

Peel back the layers—what truly captivates you?

1. When you get upset, what does your partner do? A. Gives me a hug and comforts me B. Starts kissing me C. Hugs and kisses D. Nothing

Comfort in distress is love’s quiet strength.

1. When you start talking about your feelings, what does your partner do? A. Listens and understands B. Holds me C. Both D. Leaves

Emotional presence builds the bridge.

1. Have you ever said ‘I love you’? A. Yes, often B. No C. Once or twice D. Never

Words like these mark vulnerability’s milestone.

1. What did you do for your last anniversary? A. Romantic dinner and gifts B. Spent the day in bed C. Dinner then bed D. Fought

Celebrations reveal priorities.

Continuing with more probing questions to deepen your reflection:

1. Do you end up spending more time indoors or outdoors? A. Balanced B. Mostly indoors C. Both if together D. Not much time

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Balance mirrors a well-rounded connection.

1. Are you comfortable being emotionally vulnerable around your partner? A. Yes B. Afraid C. Yes, fully D. No

This touches the heart of trust—more on this soon.

1. Have you met each other’s friends? A. Yes B. Not really C. A few D. No

Social weaving strengthens the fabric.

1. Do you know how their last relationship ended? A. Discussed deeply B. Not at all C. Yes, briefly D. No

Sharing histories fosters empathy.

1. Do you notice small things that make them happy? A. Yes B. Not really C. Sometimes D. No

Attunement is love’s subtle art.

As you answer, pay attention to patterns. If most responses lean toward emotional sharing, pride, and longevity, you’re likely in love’s territory. More physical focus? Lust might be leading the dance. But remember, this quiz is a mirror, not a verdict—it’s about inviting curiosity into your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions: Navigating Vulnerability and Depth

In my sessions, clients often voice these exact concerns. Let’s address them directly, drawing from therapeutic insights to help you.

Are you comfortable being emotionally vulnerable around your partner?

Being comfortable being emotionally vulnerable is the litmus test for love’s presence. If sharing your fears feels like stepping into a safe harbor rather than a storm, that’s a sign of deep trust. In therapy, we explore this through exercises like “vulnerability mapping,” where you note physical sensations during openness. If hesitation arises, it might stem from past defenses—understandable, but worth gently unpacking. For many, like my client Sarah, admitting discomfort was the first step to building that safety net.

How can you build a foundation that withstands challenges in your relationship?

A foundation that withstands challenges grows from consistent emotional attunement, not just passion. Start by honoring small daily rituals—shared meals without distractions, or check-ins like “How are you really feeling today?” I’ve seen couples transform by practicing “active listening rounds,” where one speaks uninterrupted for five minutes. This counters lust’s fleeting nature, rooting love in resilience. Remember, challenges aren’t threats; they’re opportunities to deepen.

What if you find yourself questioning your feelings?

If you catch yourself questioning your feelings, that’s a wise signal to pause. Ask systemically: “How does this doubt show up in my body—a knot in the stomach, or restless energy?” Journaling responses can reveal if it’s fear of commitment or mismatched depths. In one case, a man named David realized his questions stemmed from lust’s novelty wearing thin, leading him to nurture emotional layers instead of walking away.

How important is being emotionally vulnerable around your partner?

Being emotionally vulnerable around your partner is crucial—it’s the oxygen of lasting love. Without it, relationships stay shallow, like a beautiful facade hiding empty rooms. Vulnerability activates attachment bonds, releasing oxytocin that fosters security. If it’s absent, lust might dominate, but with practice—like sharing one fear weekly—you can cultivate it. Clients often report a shift: from guarded hearts to open ones, transforming connections.

A Client’s Journey: From Confusion to Clarity

Let me tell you about Elena and Javier, a couple I worked with last year. They came to me after six months together, Elena’s eyes lighting up as she described Javier’s touch, but her voice wavering when talking about future plans. “It’s so intense, but does it mean love?” she asked, echoing what so many feel. Javier nodded, admitting the passion overshadowed deeper talks.

In our sessions, we used the quiz as a starting point. Elena chose “aroused” for hugs, “a few months” for time known, and “make out” for movies—patterns pointing to lust’s strong pull. But when we delved into vulnerability, she hesitated. “I’m scared to show weakness,” she confessed, her hands fidgeting like leaves in wind.

We explored attachment styles—Elena’s anxious patterns from childhood made her crave intensity to feel secure, while Javier’s avoidant side kept emotions at bay. Through role-playing exercises, they practiced systemic dialogues: “How do you notice my support when you’re upset?” Slowly, hugs became comforting embraces, movie nights included post-film reflections, and they shared “I love you” not as obligation, but truth.

By our sixth session, Elena beamed: “It’s like the river calmed, but runs deeper now.” They built rituals—weekly walks to discuss dreams, noting small joys like Javier’s laugh. Today, their bond withstands work stresses and family pressures, a testament to love’s evolution from lust.

Your story might mirror theirs. The key is curiosity over judgment.

Practical Steps: Cultivating Love in Your Relationship

Ready to move from reflection to action? Here’s a grounded approach, drawn from evidence-based therapy like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which I’ve used successfully with hundreds of couples. These steps are actionable, not overwhelming—aim for one per week.

1. Reflect Solo First: Spend 10 minutes daily journaling quiz responses. Ask: “What emotions arise when I imagine sharing a secret?” This builds self-awareness, noticing if vulnerability feels safe.

2. Practice Micro-Vulnerabilities: Share one small feeling daily, like “I felt anxious today because…” Observe your partner’s response—do they lean in, or pull back? This tests emotional waters gently.

3. Balance Physical and Emotional Intimacy: Next date, alternate touch with talk. After a kiss, pause: “What does this mean to you?” It integrates lust into love’s framework.

4. Map Your Attachment: Discuss past relationships systemically: “How did endings shape your trust?” Use a shared notebook to track insights, fostering mutual understanding.

5. Notice the Small Joys: For a week, list three things that make your partner happy. Act on one—surprise coffee, a thoughtful text. Attunement deepens bonds organically.

6. Seek Professional Guidance if Stuck: If doubts persist, consider a therapist. In EFT, we rebuild cycles of pursuit-withdrawal into secure attachment, often in 8-12 sessions.

These steps aren’t magic, but they’re potent—like tending a garden, they yield growth over time. You’ve already taken the first by questioning; now, nurture what blooms.

In closing, whether it’s love or lust, your feelings are valid doorways to growth. Reach out if needed—I’m here, as always, believing in the power of connection.

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