What Love Feels Like: 12 Emotions in Relationships

Die folgenden Geschichten basieren auf realen Erfahrungen aus meiner Praxis, wurden jedoch anonymisiert und veraendert. Sie dienen als Inspiration fuer Veraenderung und ersetzen keine professionelle Beratung.

• Unraveling What Love Feels Like: Drawing from Elif Shafak’s wisdom and biblical truths like “God is love,” discover how love defies explanation but profoundly shapes our lives through deep, experiential emotions.

• 12 Key Feelings of True Love: Experience the intense yet lasting sensations of affection, respect, care, and adoration that define genuine love, helping you recognize if it’s the real thing.

• Signs You’re Truly in Love: Learn to distinguish profound, time-tested love from fleeting feelings, empowering you to nurture relationships built on mutual understanding and devotion.

Imagine this: It’s a quiet evening in a cozy kitchen, the kind where the steam from a pot of simmering soup rises like a soft veil, carrying the scent of herbs and warmth into the air. You’re standing there, chopping vegetables, when your partner walks in from a long day. Their eyes meet yours, and suddenly, the weight of the world lifts. A simple smile, a brush of hands—it’s in that moment that everything feels incredible, beautiful, like the pieces of your life have finally clicked into place. We’ve all had those instants, haven’t we? Moments where love sneaks up on you, not with grand gestures, but in the everyday rhythm of shared space.

As Patric Pförtner, a couples therapist with over two decades of guiding people through the tangled paths of relationships, I know this feeling all too well. Let me share a personal anecdote from my early days as a psychologist. I remember sitting in my first apartment in Berlin, fresh out of my training, feeling utterly lost after a breakup that left me questioning everything. One night, a close friend called, her voice trembling with excitement about someone new in her life. As she described that inexplicable happiness bubbling up inside her, I realized love isn’t something you chase—it’s something that reshapes you from within. That conversation sparked my curiosity: How do we even begin to name these emotions? And more importantly, how do they show up in our partnerships?

Today, I want to talk with you about what does love feel like? It’s a question I hear in my therapy sessions more often than you’d think. People come to me, hearts pounding like drums in their chests, wondering if the flutter in their stomach is the real thing or just a fleeting spark. Love, as Elif Shafak so poetically puts it in The Forty Rules of Love, cannot be explained—it can only be experienced. And yet, drawing from ancient wisdom like the Bible’s “God is love” in 1 John 4:8, we see that love is the essence that connects us all, a force that explains the unexplainable in our lives.

In my practice, I’ve seen how love oscillates between inexplicable happiness and moments of quiet vulnerability. It’s not a straight line; it’s more like a river, winding through joy and challenge, carving deeper channels over time. You might ask yourself, How do you notice love creeping into your daily thoughts? Perhaps it’s in the way your partner’s laugh echoes in your mind long after they’ve left the room, or how their presence calms the storm in your chest during tough days.

Let me introduce you to Anna and Markus, a couple I worked with a few years back. Anna, a schoolteacher in her mid-30s, described her initial meetings with Markus as a whirlwind of uncontained joy. “It’s like my whole body lights up,” she told me, her hands gesturing wildly as if trying to capture the energy. But beneath that, there was nervousness—a fear that this bliss might vanish. Markus, a quiet engineer, nodded along, admitting he felt the same pull, like an invisible thread drawing them closer. Their story reminds us that love often starts with these intense sensations, but true love builds on them, fostering respect, care, and adoration that withstand the tests of time.

So, if you’re pondering 12 feelings you get when you’re in love, let’s explore them not as a checklist, but as threads in the rich tapestry of connection. These aren’t just abstract ideas; they’re drawn from the real lives of people I’ve counseled, grounded in psychological insights like attachment theory, which shows how our early bonds shape how we experience love as adults.

The First Stirrings: Awakening to Love’s Presence

Think back to that kitchen scene I described earlier. For many, love begins with a heightened awareness, where the world sharpens into focus. You start feeling everything more vividly—the cool breeze on your skin during a walk together, the way sunlight dances in their eyes, or the subtle scent of their cologne that lingers like a promise. It’s as if your senses have been tuned to a higher frequency, making everything feel incredible, beautiful.

In sessions, I often ask clients, How does your body respond when you think of your partner? This systemic question helps uncover the physical echoes of emotion. One client, Lena, shared how, after meeting her now-husband, she suddenly noticed the lyrics in songs speaking directly to her heart. That butterflies in the stomach sensation? It’s your nervous system lighting up, releasing dopamine that floods you with euphoria. But it’s more than chemistry; it’s the beginning of seeing the world through a lens of possibility.

From there, energy surges. You wake up with a bounce, eager to tackle the day. I recall my own experience during a summer romance in my twenties—suddenly, I was jogging at dawn, something I’d always put off. Love injects positivity, recharging you like a battery plugged into an endless source. Clients like Sarah describe it as uncontained joy spilling over, motivating them to eat better, exercise, and even pursue long-dormant dreams. Yet, this high comes with nerves. Your heart races, palms sweat—Is this too good to be true? That anxiety is a defense mechanism, protecting your heart from past hurts, but in healthy love, it softens into excitement.

This image captures that intimate spark—the soft glow of shared space where love’s first feelings unfold.

Deepening Bonds: From Infatuation to Commitment

As love matures, it shifts from fleeting highs to a profound yearning for commitment. You envision futures together: walks on the beach in old age, building a home filled with laughter. For Anna and Markus, this meant planning trips not just for fun, but as steps toward a shared life. How do you picture your life intertwining with theirs? This question reveals if it’s infatuation—intense but shallow—or true love, which embraces flaws and grows stronger.

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Love feels like selflessness, too. You give without expecting, finding joy in small acts: brewing their favorite coffee, surprising them with a note. It’s not about grand sacrifices, but a natural flow, like water seeking its level. In therapy, I explain this through the lens of secure attachment—when you feel safe, giving becomes effortless, fostering an undeniable connection where words aren’t always needed. You just know, as if they’ve always been the missing piece.

Strength emerges here. With love, you feel invincible, ready to face life’s storms hand-in-hand. Markus once told me, “With Anna, I can take on anything.” This isn’t blind optimism; it’s the resilience born from mutual support, backed by research on how strong partnerships buffer stress. And beneath it all? Friendship. True love blends companionship with passion—you’re lovers who laugh at inside jokes, who choose each other daily, even after decades.

Trust and Security: The Pillars of Lasting Love

Trust is the bedrock. In love, you surrender insecurities, believing in their fidelity without doubt. For those who’ve faced betrayal, this can be terrifying, but when it’s real, it washes away paranoia like a cleansing rain. How does trust show up in your quiet moments together? Clients often describe a deep security, where vulnerability feels safe, not exposing.

Future visions solidify this—you daydream of children, adventures, growing old. It’s not fantasy; it’s commitment manifesting. Healthy love brings peace: no sleepless nights over suspicions, just the steady rhythm of mutual care. Men in love, like Markus, show it through protection and presence—small changes, like quitting a bad habit to be better for her. Women, like Anna, prioritize with selfless acts, from cooking favorites to offering unwavering support, even through jealousy.

Love invites vulnerability, stripping away defenses. As kids, we dream of fairy-tale endings, but reality teaches compromise—putting ego aside for harmony. Yet, this openness is love’s gift, allowing deeper intimacy. In my work, I see how honoring contradictory feelings—joy mixed with fear—leads to growth.

Navigating the Rollercoaster: Love’s Complex Emotions

Love is a rollercoaster, where you oscillate between inexplicable happiness and bouts of anxiety. Sleepless nights, surging appetite or its loss, pounding hearts—these mimic addiction, but in positive ways, they propel us toward meaning. What does love feel like for you right now? For some, it’s the warmth of a parent’s hug; for others, the tickle of first romance. It evolves with age, from a child’s security to an elder’s quiet appreciation.

Not all love is romantic. Familial bonds, friendships—they all carry unique intensities. A mother’s selfless giving, as Kate McGahan suggests, is about ‘give and give,’ focusing on contribution over receipt. Yet, in romance, this selflessness can sting if unbalanced, explaining love’s scary edge. How long to fall in love? It varies—weeks for some, years for others—shaped by attraction and timing.

Even after heartbreak, love returns, often deeper. What does love feel like the second time around? Clients like Tom, who lost his first wife, found it in gentle rediscovery with his second partner—less fireworks, more steady flame. Distinguishing true love? It outlasts infatuation, building on emotional, not just physical, ties.

A Client’s Journey: From Doubt to Devotion

Consider Elena and Raj, who came to me amid doubts. Elena felt the initial uncontained joy, but old wounds bred fear. Through sessions, we explored attachment patterns—her anxious style clashing with his avoidant one. I guided them with exercises: daily check-ins, sharing dreams without judgment. How do you notice your partner’s support in stressful times? This shifted their dynamic, revealing trust and security.

Over months, Elena described feeling whole, their connection undeniable. Raj committed fully, seeing a future together. Their story illustrates practical steps: Communicate openly, practice vulnerability, prioritize giving. Love strengthened, turning rollercoaster dips into shared climbs.

Practical Steps to Embrace and Nurture Love

Ready to invite or deepen love? Start small: Notice daily gratitudes—journal three ways your partner lights your world. Address fears systemically: What physical sensations arise when doubt creeps in? Use mindfulness to ground them. Build trust through consistency—honor promises, listen actively.

For commitment, visualize together: Discuss dreams over coffee. Foster selflessness by alternating ‘give’ days, focusing on the other’s joy. If vulnerability scares, try therapy techniques like emotion wheels to name feelings. Remember, love yourself first—self-acceptance fuels healthy giving.

In the end, love’s feelings—those 12 threads of emotion—weave a resilient bond. Whether it’s the rush of new romance or the quiet comfort of long partnership, it’s worth the ride. As we oscillate between inexplicable happiness and growth, we find not just a partner, but a fuller self. How will you lean into love today?

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